Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Remembering Baby Alyssa

I wish I had written about Alyssa's birth sooner, but I still remember most of it. When I got pregnant with her (after a year and a half of trying) I couldn't fathom having a girl. I thought we would have all boys, I didn't really know what I would do with a girl. The idea scared me, a lot. So when we were having the ultrasound and they told me it was a girl I was in denial a little bit. To be honest it took me a couple of months before I really believed it and started to really accept it. I am a pretty unemotional person, I cry maybe once a year. My emotions have never ruled me, up till then. So I was pretty anxious about the whole thing. That is not to say I wasn't excited. We had waited a long time to get her and I was so happy to be having a baby again. We went to my Dr. appointment on a Monday. I had been having lots of contractions so I was hoping he would just let me go to the hospital. For Christmas I had gotten Jared and Hunter tickets to a Jazz game and it just so happened that they were for that Wednesday night. I was worried I would go into labor while they were gone or just before and then they wouldn't be able to go. This was Hunter's first Jazz game, I really wanted them to go. Well my Dr. told me to go home and wait until Friday (our day to be induced). The next day after Hunter got home from preschool we decided to go get checked out at the hospital. I remember being worried about Hunter. I knew he would be fine with Heidi and that he would adjust well to being a big brother (he WAS 4 1/2). I think I was just a little sad that our time as a family of 3 was over, we had so much time with him alone. It was pretty weird to be adding someone else. Those feelings soon went away as the anticipation of meeting our baby replaced them. Alyssa's birth was great! This was my second time so I wasn't scared of the unknown and I also knew what kind of drugs I wanted and what I didn't. Plus we labored during the day. With Hunter it was all night and that made me really groggy when he came. After I had Hunter I remembered wondering why the women on tv make such a huge deal about giving birth, you know the screaming and yelling. I was so calm. We were talking with my nurse and the subject came up that I am really calm while giving birth, I don't think she really believed me. I pushed for about 20 minutes then she was here. I didn't make a sound at all. My nurse was amazed. I was sure that Alyssa would look exactly like Hunter, I couldn't imagine our child looking like anything else. I was surprised! She had the roundest little face, nothing like Hunter. Everything was so surreal, so much stranger that when we had Hunter. I just remenber I kept thinking, "WHAT? We just had a baby???". I kept looking at her face and wondering where this chubby little baby came from. She was so beautiful! Hunter was waiting outside while she was being born. I was so excited to have them meet. I knew Hunter couldn't wait, he had waited long enough. I always thought ?I had the best birth experience with Hunter, but it just got better and easier with Alyssa. Coming home wasn't so scary and we got into a rhythm pretty easily. I could sense a bond between Jared and Alyssa right off the bat. He wouldn't let her just lay in the bassinet or the boppy. I remember asking him why he always picked her up when I put her down. He said he felt bad for her being all alone. We were kind of opposites. I wouldn't really put the boys down much and he held her all the time. She was such a calm baby (she has made up for that though). She was always content to just sit wherever and watch what was going on. I really love to cuddle my babies to sleep, but after about 3 months she just refused. She did really well at falling asleep in her crib. She LOVED bedtime! Along with being really calm it was also hard to get her to smile and laugh, except at bedtime. We would swaddle her, lay her down and the fun would begin. She would giggle and smile until we had to stop so she could sleep. She did get colicky for a few weeks. I remember at about 4pm we would have to hold her until 7pm and it was time for bed. I remember the moment with her that I knew I had connected with her. We had been home about a week and Jared had taken Hunter outside to play ball. Alyssa and I were sitting on the couch. I was looking at her and this overwhelming feeling of total love came over me. I knew no matter how worried she made me or how much trouble she would cause me, that she was mine and I loved her with all my heart. She is now 3! Wow! She is the funniest little thing. I can't imagine life without her. We have had a few rough times and sometimes I swear we will probably fight the rest of our lives. But, those times make me realize that I can be a better, more patient and loving mother to her. She has given me the strength to get through anything that comes my way. She has brought so many wonderful, funny, silly memories to our family. I am so glad Heavenly Father sent us this crazy little girl, life would be boring without her. I love you my little Lyssy!

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